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( there is a very, very deep sigh. )

'Ting-Ting'?

( exasperation, thy name is mako. )

Just a bit of continuity from last time. [ When Bolin had them both wear disguises and think up backstories. His character was Ting-Ting, but Mako was too cool for a backstory. ]

Varrick says continuity is outdated, but I kinda think it's still important.

Bo, I'm not answering to that. Ever.

( ever!! )

But the rest is... fine. Why an asteroid, though? Couldn't our hero earthbender ( bolin, obviously. mako wouldn't admit to watching all the nuktuk films but he definitely watched all the nuktuk films. he knows all about mover tropes. ) just knock it away?

( she gives him space, and takes her own. she finds somewhere else to crash for the night ( poor bolin, constantly having to deal with their fiery relationship ), just because she thinks she might burst into tears the second she sees mako, but. in the morning. face your demons. zaheer once called her power limitless, but he probably never had to look someone he loves more than life itself in the eye and say i've moved on.

so it's the day after, not too early. she's been putting it off. )

Hey, Mako. It's me. Can we talk?

( he listens to the message.

and leaves it.

she can think whatever she wants, frankly. that he's busy or angry or anything. and he is all of those things and then some, but. he's down by the lake, and he's swimming because it's something new to do, and because he likes the water, and he just doesn't want to talk to her.

she's dating asami. that's not the part that upsets him. he loves asami, anyone in their right mind (except, apparently, him) would think she was an amazing catch, and she deserves to be happy. of the three of them, she's the only one who never hurt anyone else. she just. let herself be hurt. and still gave them both second, and third, and tenth chances afterwards.

sometimes he wonders how he can look her in the eye. sometimes he wonders how korra does it.

but it's another day before he responds, and when he does his tone is. neutral. a little curt. )

What's up?

( predictably, she responds right away. it's been an anxiety ridden day of exhausting herself however she can, breaking her knuckles on dirt walls and then healing them with water, just to break them again. sometimes her waterbending gives out, and she has to suffer in the pain of it. sometimes she keeps hitting walls anyway.

she planned out what she was going to say. a confession, probably. another i'll always love you, forever, always. but. she hears his voice and knows that she can't do it to him. mako deserves more than whatever korra could ever give him. she's never deserved him, has only ever done him disservices in all her attempts at kindness. say what you will about korra and her mistakes, but at least she always tries to suffer alone. she refuses to drag mako down with her.

there's just a long sigh, at first. then. )

I know I messed up, and I am sorry. I really am. But I can't live without you, so we're going to have to figure out some way to fix this.

( he's obviously on the line. his breathing is faint but audible, but he's just. not talking. for a stretch of time that goes well beyond awkward. she probably knows him well enough to know that he's rubbing his temples to stave off the onslaught of a headache. his voice is soft when he speaks, but it's the low sort of tone that's obviously being maintained to stave off anger. )

Why didn't you just tell me? How exactly did you think I was going to take it, Korra?

( because he's thought about it. he really has. and the only thing he can come up with is that she was afraid of what he'd say, or that he'd judge her, or that he'd hate it. and he's decided that that hurts way worse than anything else she could have done. )

I love you and Asami more than just about anything. I want you to be happy. But I ( ohhh the volume is going up on his voice, he's almost yelling now. ) also don't want — ( he makes a noise of pure frustration, glutted on that anger. ) a repeat of the last three years! Do you have any idea how hard it was, just — letting you go off and suffer alone?! Just — agh, forget about the kissing, any of that! You're my best friend! You're supposed to be able to trust me!

( unlike their last fight, korra doesn't immediately go on the offensive. she isn't really on the defensive, either, she's just. taking the pummeling. mako's words, fists in her gut, hitting all the chi points they want to. breaking her down. three years. zaheer poisoned her, suffocated her, nearly killed her, and yet the people who suffered were mako, bolin, her parents, tenzin. that's one thing she can't excuse with zaheer, though. it's her fault. she hurt them, and mako, because like in all the most life changing parts to her story, her worst crime has always been her selfishness.

it's not about the kiss, or asami, or anything else. it's because mako never fully forgave her for leaving and not writing. she can understand that - more ills she's done against him, more scars that refuse to close.

spirits, she should've just written. )

I know.

( quietly, darkly. as much as she can hear his headache, he can probably see her hang hanging, ashamed. )

I do trust you, Mako. And ... I know I haven't been good at showing. How I feel about you. I've been ... ( a sharp inhale. ) Selfish. Running away was childish. I know that now.

( at the time, though. it wasn't really running away. at the time, it felt like it could've been forever. they all wrote her. and, from her position, weren't their lives so much better without the avatar? not on a worldly level, but personal. she should've made team avatar out of people she cared for less. )

I'm sorry I didn't write you. I still thought about you everyday. I hoped you were okay. ( while she was getting her ass kicked by a mirage of herself. she should've just written. it's easy to say it now, but at the time, it felt like there was nothing more impossible, than writing mako, pretending like everything was fine. ) I'm sorry, Mako. You mean everything to me. I just. ( no excuses. she shakes her head. ) I'm just sorry.

Wow. You're right. That would probably happen. You've been watching movers, haven't you?

[ Imagine how big Bolin's ego would be if he knew Mako watched all his films. ]

It'd have to be something two amazing benders couldn't just put a stop too. Maybe! It was the spirits who sent them back in time, so they could go on a journey to find themselves!

When would I even have the time to watch movers? Get real.

( every single one. opening night. he was always there. that's his little brother, and whatever he does mako will always support him. as long as he's not being an idiot about it. or serving a tyrannical mastermind. )

... But the spirit thing would actually... work. Maybe.

( they always did reflect the worst parts of each other. )

I don't care that you're sorry! You could have died and I would have lost you! I wouldn't have even known about it until some Earthbender kid showed up as the Avatar! Korra, I can't — ( and that's it. his voice breaks, in that curling uptick of emotion that suggests the speaker is either at or on the verge of tears, and there is a sharp inhale that is married to a ragged gasp.

he doesn't speak for a good long while after that. getting control of himself, obviously. then he just. swears under his breath. he sounds just the slightest bit stuffed up when he speaks, )

I know that whole thing with Zaheer was hard on you. I know the recovery was — awful. But you can't take everything on alone. You have me, so just — rely on that once in a while. Okay?

( she takes the berating, feeling a little bit like a child and knowing mako's right. it's nothing she hasn't heard before - katara, tenzin, her parents. somehow it means more coming from him, because. she's seen him get angry, seen him frustrated and annoyed, but she's never seen. this. the affliction of his voice chokes her up, evidence to a greater end she's never fully wanted to accept. she has lived a life first of being swaddled, and then of having the crashing waves of reality set her shoulders back in place. amon said avatar was a symbol of inequality. unalaq thought the avatar needed to be replaced. zaheer said her existence was the very foundation of discourse in the world.

the thing is, she's learned through all that to accept her death as an inevitability. people are always trying to kill her, and one day someone will succeed. she can't see herself growing old and grey like katara, taking up waterhealing in the southern tribe. she'll have to die, probably young, so the next avatar can take her place faster. and they'll do a better job, be smarter and more thoughtful. treat their friends better, be a model of avatar citizenship. the people will like them. they'll find peace the way korra never could. the world will forget her name, or have it be written in twain with korra, the avatar who lost the rest. korra, the first and worst avatar. korra, who set a precedent so low, no avatar will ever fail worse than her. korra, whose greatest success was dying so a competent person could take her place.

she's not foolish enough to think mako's talking about her being the avatar, though. he just loves her, for some stupid reason she'll never be able to fully figure out. after all the terrible things she's done to him, every way she's hurt him and continues to hurt him, he still finds the peace of mind to forgive her. maybe. accept her back, at least, love her as unabashedly as he did before, when they were younger and dumber, and thought probending tournaments might be the most pivotal point in both their lives. mako mentions zaheer, and she flinches because she knows no one can see her - cracks open old wounds, chains, poison, suffocation. give it time. she can't resist for long.

a deep breath. )

Okay.

( she can't be sure of how honest it is. she spends most of her time thinking no one wants her around anyway, and that the three years of isolation were just evidence that she really is a lost cause. but. she can try. for mako. she can live for him, too. )

I have you?

( still? she tries to laugh, to cover up sorrow. )

When are you gonna give up on me?

Edited 2018-09-23 03:19 (UTC)

Just to go off topic for a second: Even if I can't tell Lord Zuko or Katara that I'm adopting them as my younger siblings, can I still do it in my heart?

[ He still wants his AVATAR FAMILY. Don't crush his dreams. ]

( nothing else, just: )

Where are you?

The forest.

( she took up temporary residence, there. it reminds her heartily of the spirit world, and along with that the swamps where she went when she ran away to begin with. the idea of walking and getting nowhere, being at peace with forest life and her own thoughts, it's a familiar, tasteful thing. iroh taught her that sometimes getting lost helps you find what you needed. )

I can meet you at the entrance?

Yeah. Give me ten minutes.

( he's on the other side of the temple. but. it's korra. of course he'll run for her. )

( sigh. )

Sure, Bolin. Sure you can.

( it takes her some time, too - the forest is always changing, but thanks to some avatar based, spiritually inclined senses, she finds the exit quickly enough. after that she's just waiting for him, nervously fiddling with the band on her wrist. )

( his arm's out of the sling. he can taste fire on his tongue and at his fingertips. the world's wrong, and his heart feels cracked open, with something molten poured in the space to stick two halves together. it's messy and searing and it's going to leave a scar, but.

he's there.

he doesn't say a word at first, no greetings or pleasantries. he just. goes up to her and takes her by the arms and pulls her into a hug, head tucked down against her. it's a protective, encompassing embrace, like he could fold her right into the narrow jutting bones of his ribcage.

he's had an answer since she asked. but he wasn't going to say it over the phone. )

Never.

( the sun will burn itself out first, before any part of his soul conceives of giving up on her. this means more than i love you, as much as that's true too. because i love you can be a lot of things to a lot of people, but never is forever. )

( she's glad he initiates it, because she wouldn't have - she knows mako's angry, and that anger doesn't just dissolve between two breaths and shared words. but, he hugs her, so that's a start. she curves inwards to him, face pressed on his shoulder, taking in a hard breath off the collar of his shirt. never, he says. her fingers clutch at the back of his shirt, squeezing him tightly. never.

when she pulls back, her eyebrows are knitted, fighting back emotion. a hand just softly cups his cheek, making sure their gaze is locked. )

Never.

( trust and devotion, it's a two-way street. korra's never is just as powerful as his, just as evidenced by the truth in her eyes. she squeezes his good arm, a soft, sad smile curling up on her lips.

she nods back, to the forest. )

Come on.

( of course he's angry. but it's never been such a terrible, towering thing that he can't still love her. that's really their fatal flaw. it doesn't matter how much they hurt each other, the love is still there. it's not as bright and fresh and new as it once was, he's learned all the things in her that are broken or bent. he knows her weaknesses and all her sundry strengths. he can look at her and know her.

she steps back and he lets her go, though when she touches his arm he reaches for her hand to lace their fingers. he won't kiss her again, he's grown out of a willingness to do that to anyone, much less to asami. but he can still hold her hand. he doesn't want to talk, but he'll let her lead him. )

Awesome. It's like we're all one big, happy Avatar Family!

So ... [ Why is Bolin always coming here with the awkward questions? Because it's easier than asking them face to face. ]

Are you and Korra going to be a thing again? Just so I'm mentally prepared. [ For awkward smooches and possibly tables being thrown about. ]

Edited 2018-09-23 14:49 (UTC)

In your heart.

( implication: and nowhere else. )

[ Way to take the wind right out of his sails. Who's the airbender here?!? ]

Fine. In my heart. [ So dejected. ]

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