( she takes the berating, feeling a little bit like a child and knowing mako's right. it's nothing she hasn't heard before - katara, tenzin, her parents. somehow it means more coming from him, because. she's seen him get angry, seen him frustrated and annoyed, but she's never seen. this. the affliction of his voice chokes her up, evidence to a greater end she's never fully wanted to accept. she has lived a life first of being swaddled, and then of having the crashing waves of reality set her shoulders back in place. amon said avatar was a symbol of inequality. unalaq thought the avatar needed to be replaced. zaheer said her existence was the very foundation of discourse in the world.
the thing is, she's learned through all that to accept her death as an inevitability. people are always trying to kill her, and one day someone will succeed. she can't see herself growing old and grey like katara, taking up waterhealing in the southern tribe. she'll have to die, probably young, so the next avatar can take her place faster. and they'll do a better job, be smarter and more thoughtful. treat their friends better, be a model of avatar citizenship. the people will like them. they'll find peace the way korra never could. the world will forget her name, or have it be written in twain with korra, the avatar who lost the rest. korra, the first and worst avatar. korra, who set a precedent so low, no avatar will ever fail worse than her. korra, whose greatest success was dying so a competent person could take her place.
she's not foolish enough to think mako's talking about her being the avatar, though. he just loves her, for some stupid reason she'll never be able to fully figure out. after all the terrible things she's done to him, every way she's hurt him and continues to hurt him, he still finds the peace of mind to forgive her. maybe. accept her back, at least, love her as unabashedly as he did before, when they were younger and dumber, and thought probending tournaments might be the most pivotal point in both their lives. mako mentions zaheer, and she flinches because she knows no one can see her - cracks open old wounds, chains, poison, suffocation. give it time. she can't resist for long.
a deep breath. )
Okay.
( she can't be sure of how honest it is. she spends most of her time thinking no one wants her around anyway, and that the three years of isolation were just evidence that she really is a lost cause. but. she can try. for mako. she can live for him, too. )
I have you?
( still? she tries to laugh, to cover up sorrow. )
no subject
the thing is, she's learned through all that to accept her death as an inevitability. people are always trying to kill her, and one day someone will succeed. she can't see herself growing old and grey like katara, taking up waterhealing in the southern tribe. she'll have to die, probably young, so the next avatar can take her place faster. and they'll do a better job, be smarter and more thoughtful. treat their friends better, be a model of avatar citizenship. the people will like them. they'll find peace the way korra never could. the world will forget her name, or have it be written in twain with korra, the avatar who lost the rest. korra, the first and worst avatar. korra, who set a precedent so low, no avatar will ever fail worse than her. korra, whose greatest success was dying so a competent person could take her place.
she's not foolish enough to think mako's talking about her being the avatar, though. he just loves her, for some stupid reason she'll never be able to fully figure out. after all the terrible things she's done to him, every way she's hurt him and continues to hurt him, he still finds the peace of mind to forgive her. maybe. accept her back, at least, love her as unabashedly as he did before, when they were younger and dumber, and thought probending tournaments might be the most pivotal point in both their lives. mako mentions zaheer, and she flinches because she knows no one can see her - cracks open old wounds, chains, poison, suffocation. give it time. she can't resist for long.
a deep breath. )
Okay.
( she can't be sure of how honest it is. she spends most of her time thinking no one wants her around anyway, and that the three years of isolation were just evidence that she really is a lost cause. but. she can try. for mako. she can live for him, too. )
I have you?
( still? she tries to laugh, to cover up sorrow. )
When are you gonna give up on me?