( naive of you to think you're making a difference.
more than anything, that resonates with him. he kind of zones out the rest to be perfectly honest, focusing on that with a laser point accuracy that would make an sharpshooter fear for their lives. he only ever wanted to help. no, he didn't want to help the police, because at the end of all things, he doesn't trust the system it was built upon. perhaps in its infancy it worked, but when people learn methods, they learn loopholes, and the concept of the police has been exploited on, now. from inside as much as the outside. he doesn't want to make mako's job harder, but he can't just sit by and do nothing. he won't.
he responds too late when mako says he should go, lost in his own thoughts. when he realizes something's been said, he snaps back, smiling apologetically. ) Huh? Oh, yeah. ( he doesn't want mako to go. his expression is bleeding, clipped at the arteries. but. helping people is more important than whichever way his heart drifts. that has to be the reality. ) See you around.
( he says it, but he doesn't really mean it. the blue spirit falls out of newspapers and propaganda, essentially overnight.
it doesn't mean he stopped, though. he just stopped what he was doing. a solution to both stop evil doers, and to keep the police out of his plans, that's what he has to come up with. he can't rely on them to arrest criminals, because it makes mako's life hard, and it really only kicks the hornet's nest. that's what mako said, so dick. invests in a camera.
blackmail is the new name of the game. it's less strategic than cornering a half a dozen gang members, and most of the time results in dick getting his ass kicked to hell and back, but. it works, undeniably. he snaps pictures of the agni kai triade's leader engaging in what looks like a romantic encounter with one of the red monsoon's wives. he goes right back to agni kai triade, says if you don't want these pictures to get out, leave such and such neighborhood alone, and ... that's it. he makes it a small enough request that it doesn't cut back on their income too much. he doesn't request money, or drugs, or weapons. just leave these people alone, and the cops won't know anything.
then he starts asking for more.
the neighborhood gets gradually bigger, a larger portion protected. it gets somewhat sizable, before it all blows up in dick's face.
he's patrolling his usual spots. he knows mako's routine by heart and purposefully avoids it - not because he would be against seeing him, but because. it's hard. to think he isn't making his life harder, just by existing. hugging the shadows is smarter, remaining aloof and out of the headlines. they all believe the blue spirit has abandoned them, and they're ... better for it, dick thinks. mako's convinced him of that. a silent protector is better than one in the limelight. he's about to head to next position, but he doesn't realize he's being watched, tailed, cornered until it's too late.
bones break. he's never seen so much of his blood outside of his body before. multiple agni kai triade's take him out, not without a fight, but he's all too easy to overpower with the strength of numbers. they make their message known. leave the boss alone, or else. they leave his scarf on - his face is too bloody and swollen to recognize, anyway.
he comes to about half an hour later, rotting away with the garbage in an alleyway. it's almost midnight. he knows where he is. he knows mako will be here in another ten minutes, as long as he didn't take a cigarette break at the corner intersection ( he doesn't stalk him ). dick drags himself into the middle of the road, a streak of red following behind him, and waits to be discovered. )
( he walks out. that's what he does with relationships anyway. not that that's what this was, but there was a little promise there, like an acorn nested away in scorched ground, of something that might come of its humble beginnings. and he just can't deal with it. he can't deal with dick.
he stops. if it's a message, mako has no idea what to make of it. he knows he must have hurt him (idiot, why did he say those things? why does he always say those things?) and he just. feels miserable. enough that bolin comments on it, and they get snappish with each other, and what started out as a brotherly spat comes dangerously close to a brotherly feud. bolin moves out — he'd been planning on it anyway, but it. accelerates his plans a little. and mako just keeps feeling horrible.
he knows everything he needs to to march right up to wayne manor, knock on the door and ask for dick, but he doesn't.
the streets get a little calmer. it doesn't feel right, or natural, and it's got him on edge. the less crime there is in the hei bai district, the more antsy he gets, until he's practically ready to firebend at every shadow.
he smells the blood before he sees it. copper, thick and choking in the air. enough that when he breaks into a sprint and rounds the corner, he expects to find a body, but it. isn't one, it's just. a scarf he recognizes, and a collapsed lump in the middle of the street.
mako had to learn control. he didn't always have it. and that control is the only reason he doesn't stay rooted where he stands in horror. it's the thing that spurs him onward, it's the reason he doesn't gag at the blood and the damage when he picks him up. dick's heavier than he looks, for an airbender.
he doesn't say a word. just. runs. mentally mapping out what he can of the city. waterbenders. he needs a waterbender. korra's the best in the city but she's at asami's place, on the other side of the spirit portal crater in the middle. what he needs is a car.
luckily, the economy is booming. there are vehicles everywhere. mako busts out a window with his shoulder, cradles dick one-handed so he can open the door and then eases him into it. he wants to call him an idiot. what he does instead is murmur. nothing much of consequence. it's okay, you're going to be fine. over and over and over again.
hotwiring a car? no biggie. he's been doing that since he was a kid. he's torn between the need to drive fast because dick is beaten to the spirit world and back, and slow because he doesn't want to jostle him. at least there's no one else on the road, and any time he does encounter another vehicle mako signs a flame signal for the PD in the air and they back off. he doesn't exactly have lights and sirens, but it's an improvisation that works.
korra and asami are asleep upstairs, though not for long. and then it's just. everything is a blur.
the largest body of water in the house is asami's pool. dick slips in and out of consciousness, mako holds him (more like, korra can't pry him away) as she heals him. once she's done all she can, she tells him that all he can do now is rest. so mako carries him upstairs to one of asami's spare rooms, strips him out of the wet (née blooded) clothes and gets him into something else. then he just. sinks into a chair at the head of the bed, hand outflung against dick's wrist so he can track the flow of chi beneath his skin.
he realizes he didn't clock out at the end of his shift about the same time he passes out. beifong's gonna have his hide stapled to a desk for this one. )
( the most shocking thing about when he wakes up, is how not shitty he feels.
tim has healed him on occasion, small and secretive things under bed covers and when bruce can't see them, taking pity on heavier wounds from sparring. he isn't anti bending per say, bruce just doesn't like the idea of natural combatants to every bending, that whoever you are, you have a weakness everyone knows the second you shoot fire out of your hands. anyway. dick can recognize a water healer's touch easily enough, and he has the vague memories of it pouring back into the deep corners of his mind - the avatar healing him, asami soto at the front door, mako carrying him, and.
he shares glances with his unconscious form at his bedside, uncomfortably caved in on himself, sleeping sitting up. he was worried, dick can remember that much. he didn't hesitate to pick him up, although dick would never have imagined he'd just walk by - forgetting their own strange, short history ( history? ), mako just isn't the kind of person to leave someone on their deathbed. a part of him is disappointed, entirely in himself, because he hates imposing on mako like this. if there was another way, he would've been sure to take it. instead he's. making mako's life harder, again. giving another reason to crease the lines of his frown. more weight on his shoulders.
dick is considerate not to move, noting where they touch, and that any sudden move would wake mako which - isn't an option. the guy barely looks like he sleeps at all, dick can afford him a few hours of peace and quiet, gathering some shut eye. eventually he moves himself carefully, light as air, to slide his had out from mako's grasp. the blanket dick had been snuggled in gets lovingly draped around his shoulders, although it's more for comfort than warmth. firebenders really aren't lacking in that department.
if he wanted mako to sleep even more, he probably shouldn't have moved. but. he isn't someone who can just sit in bed and watch the guy he likes sleep. isn't possible. mako wakes up a little bit later, without the feeling of dick's chi to sing him lullabies, and dick is just poised in the window, sitting airily on the frame. )
Sorry. ( he blurts out, first and foremost, once he sees mako awake. embarrassed, he rubs the back of his neck. ) I didn't mean to put all this on you. But I really, really appreciate your help. Thanks, Meeks.
( he's not a heavy sleeper at the best (worst) of times, but he's tired, and asami's house with the avatar watching over them and his entire extended family in another wing is about the safest place he can imagine in republic city. so when his head dips against his chest he doesn't fight it, he just. lets himself drift.
he's completely disoriented when he wakes, dick's gone from beneath his hand, the sun has crept in across the floor, warming him with the whisper of its heat. there's. a blanket? tucked around him, and mako reels back from it as if it were the corpse of some creature rather than something meant as a comfort.
he's half out of the chair, awash in panic when dick speaks. and then he. settles. for a second. it doesn't last, and he's up and out of it a moment later. he wheels on dick, an accusatory finger leveled at him. )
You idiot. Do you have any idea how close you were to dying? If I hadn't found you when I did, I would have been carrying you to the city morgue!
( this is familiar to him. being yelled at, doing this incorrectly and being berated for it. but this feeling is - new. different. if he ever apologizes to bruce, he apologizes for getting caught, but. in this, he's just sorry. as sorry as a person could be, so sorry it feels like it's overwhelming him, flooding his pores and making a mockery of every time he's ever said sorry in his life. if he could take it all back in this very moment, he would. he's not thinking about the grief he saved the people of republic city - he's thinking about mako being upset, and knowing he's the one who put it there.
his eyes are wide before they dim, bright before they darken. he leans off the windowsill and into mako's space.
this man is still dick grayson, but he's minorly different from the snack hungry kiss drunk boy in the warehouse a few months ago. he looks tired, more than anything. he reaches a hand up to wrap around mako's pointing finger, looking down where they meet. )
I know.
( he doesn't care if mako plans on shoving him off - he just wraps an arm around his shoulders, a hand at the back of his head, embracing him. )
I didn't mean to worry you. I'm — so sorry. They caught me off guard, and I didn't know what else to do but. Wait. For you.
( there's no pushback. he'd been. expecting a fight. braced for it. so when none is forthcoming, it throws him off balance, like he's been struck by a burst of wind. enough to throw his balance off. but all dick does is wrap him up in his arms — and it has to hurt, for all that korra worked on him for what felt like an eternity.
and mako's just. he's worried. and upset, and angry — more at himself than dick, if he's being completely honest — and he can't help but curl into him like a kid on a cold night towards the only source of warmth. it's an enveloping embrace, he melts himself over dick like he can fill everywhere against his body there's an absence of air. )
It's not about worrying me.
( because of course dick says it like it's the most important thing. of course he does. )
( he pulls back momentarily, hands on mako's shoulders, sharing looks between each of his goldenrod, genuine eyes. dick always wears his emotions on his sleeve, never fully learned the lesson bruce tried to teach him about acting aloof or mysterious. his eyebrows knit, drawn like sparring fighters, and he just. reclaims mako, hugs him tighter than he had before, arms thrown across his shoulders almost desperately.
he missed him. and he only realizes it now, after weeks and weeks of exhausting himself, of trying to convince himself their brief fling meant as little as mako lead him to believe. but it just. it didn't. dick likes him even more now than he did before, and he messed up, and he literally, literally could've died if mako hadn't been there, if he didn't know the avatar, if a million other things that all lead up to the same thisness of the moment didn't happen. it hits him like a satomobile, knocking the wind out of him. he almost died. died. )
I. ( a little choked out against him. his shoulders quake, but he doesn't cry. ) I was scared. I thought I was going to die. Damn.
( a semi hysterical, mostly breathy laugh. )
Bruce would've killed me if I died. Crap. I have to go home. He's gonna be so mad at me.
( mako doesn't have any words of comfort for that. nothing sage or saintly to say. he did almost die, and there would have been no coming back from that, and it would have been it. mako might never have even known it happened if the gang had even halfly tried to cover it up. thrown the body into the bay.
his brow furrows, he takes a breath that feels like inhaling glass. )
I can talk to him. Tell him you were assisting in an investigation or something.
( he has no idea what bruce is like behind closed doors, and he'd be naive to think that his public persona is his private one. varrick is both at once, but there can't be two varricks out there. every famous person in republic city has the side they show the press and the side they show their friends and family. the fact that he specifies mad at me makes him. not like the concept behind the glitz very much, though. )
( he laughs. moment of weakness over. he could’ve died but he’s alive, and that’s the important thing he chooses to focus on - death looked him in the eye, and the avatar helped him snarl back. the avatar, man. he peels back from mako, lightly leaning back against the window, a flamboyant wave of his hand shooing the thought away. )
No, you — you’ve already done more than enough, seriously. ( more work for mako? no, thanks. ) I’ll get it sorted. I always do.
( truthfully, bruce won’t be mad, at least not beyond dick disobeying instruction, since he won’t be hearing about the rest of it. dick just has memories of breaking chandeliers and priceless family heirlooms, when he was a child and wanted to climb on everything in sight. he once busted the bannister in the main hall by jumping on it. bruce was not ... thrilled.
anyway, he doesn’t know what to say to mako now that apologies are out of the way. he shuffles his feet awkwardly, eyes cast down. )
It’s, uh. It’s good to see you, though. Been awhile.
( that's. what? no. that's not the end of it, dick can't just walk away from the consequences with a coy waggle of his fingers. it's so... irreverent. obviously, obviously it affected him, in ways that will be long and lingering, but. mako just. chases after him, pulling him back away from the window, hands on his shoulders. grip a little tight.
he just doesn't know what to do with dick now that he has him there. there are a million things he wants to say, a million more he wants to do. instead he says and does absolutely nothing, and there's an awkward, wayward silence that scuttles between them like a spirit, devoid of sound and substance.
mako clears his throat and loosens his grip. enough to let him go, though it takes him a reluctant moment to step back. )
Well, I figured you wouldn't want to see me after. Everything.
( he doesn't pull away again, even as mako lessens up on him, giving the space to move. he doesn't. if mako is pulling him forward and closer, where else would he want to be? the air is electric. he wishes he had a wound still to pick at nervously, but there's just the roaring ache a few dozen invisible bruises proclaim under the stretch of his skin. breathing takes effort, but it's not unmanageable. even if he has to bend the air to and from his lungs, he keeps upright.
that, though. his expression twitches, cracked open. )
What? No. ( he shakes his head. it's not ... a poor assumption to make, though, considering dick basically did everything in his power to avoid interacting with him. it's less heartbreak and more - worry. ) Of course I wanted to see you again.
( he doesn't exactly go around just laying big fat kisses on everyone. tentatively, he takes a step in, a bit too close to be entirely platonic, or even just casual. his gaze is drooped, watching mako's chin - or maybe his lips. )
I just didn't want to ... make it harder on you. Your job, and ... well, me.
( that literally makes even less sense than just straight-up never wanting to see him again. mako's face screws up like he bit into a lemon, though he doesn't retreat when dick closes the distance. his brow is furrowed, mouth drawn down in a hard line. )
That's not up to you.
( he wants to be angry about it, instead he's just. soft. but dick doesn't get to dictate what mako is or isn't willing to stand. )
( yeah, dick is his fair share of confused, too. but - mako isn't angry, so he bites back his own taste of irritation, expression a little more concerned where it sits steadfast on mako's mouth. he isn't backing down. he's smart enough to understand there's been some kind of misconception between them - dick is quick to place the blame on his own shoulders, because he always is. it's his fault for not being smarter, or understanding mako better, or letting emotions cloud better judgement.
not backing down. another step forward, chests together. a hand finds the pocketed curve of mako's waist, the other reaching up to cup his cheek. )
You said I was bribing you. ( it's a soft spot. touching him was never about bribery. ) You said I was asking too much. I thought ... you wanted me to leave you alone.
( he was just complicating things. making mako choose between his job and dick - constantly reaffirming the fact that he should arrest him, that he wants to, that he didn't for ... some reason. dick never thought to ask. now he's looking at mako earnestly, wanting to hear it.
he said he liked mako two or three times, but mako. he never said it back. he's not even sure if this much is okay, softly touching him, inching in closer until the tips of their lips just briefly brush, before dick rears back to see the harm he's done. )
( and he meant literally all of that, but. maybe not the way dick took it, but then. mako never has been very good at expressing himself with words. and then dick leans in and... well, he can barely call it a kiss, with how fleeting and soft it was. as dick pulls back, mako twists his mouth in disconcertion off to one side. )
I meant.
( about the bribery. he doesn't know how to articulate it. but he knows he needs to seize on it, because if he gives into the urge to kiss dick again, they aren't going to leave this room for an age. he meant... )
If you were... I don't know, doing surveillance on a cop, and he was running off to meet with someone that, as far as you know, he should be arresting, and kissing him — would you still think that cop was a straight shooter?
( how can one guy have his mind in completely the wrong place, at any and all times. well. maybe that's not fair to say - what he is thinking about is reasonable, responsible, and all dick can manage to think about is how surprisingly soft mako's lips are, how satiated his expression got, just for a second, after he kissed dick the first time. he can understand what mako's getting at on a skin deep level, knowing what they'd look like to an outside viewer, a cop and a criminal. he gets that mako liking him, maybe, is a soured feeling, if only because or how someone else would see them. he's a hundred percent sure that is mako couldn't see the good in dick and what he does, he wouldn't have wasted his time on him in the first place.
his fingers just curl around the back of mako's neck. it's a race now, to see if mako's stubbornness or dick's charm will win out. )
Difficult to say. ( he knows the right answer, the one that keeps them in this conversation loop for the next foreseeable while. instead, ) What did the kiss look like?
( c'mon mako. stop thinking for a minute and kiss your vigilante secret-not-so-secret admirer )
( dick lists towards him like a flower growing towards the sun. mako doesn't pull away, but he doesn't. really do anything else, either, ever when dick's hand is at his nape, fingers working a slow circuit through the short hair there.
he'd really rather be anywhere but here. it's the place more than the company. and them being what they are to each other, it's. weird. hard. awkward. mako reaches up and catches at dick, pulls his hand away from his neck until he's holding it between them. the only problem is he forgets to let go. he just. stands there, fingers a circlet around dick's wrist. )
I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.
( it doesn't occur to him that he's being flirted with. he just does the obvious thing. )
Dick, I do like you. And maybe if I was anyone else, that would be enough.
( he's doing it again. backsliding. putting himself — by choice — into that same bleak place that beifong has been in for decades. he doesn't want to. it's just. he doesn't really have a choice, does he? duty is the same thing that pushed he and korra apart, at the end of the day. his work as a cop, hers as the avatar. he's still surprised, gratified, grateful their friendship survived it intact. but he barely knows dick, the foundation of whatever it is they've shared is a tenuous thing on porous ground.
mako swallows once, his gaze is fixed on the contrast in their skintones, how stark it seems in the low light. )
There are other guys. People, whatever you're into. It'd be easier.
( it is hard, when mako is saying things like i like you alongside pulling his hand away and making it seems opposed. dick can't begin to understand all the different ways mako reaches his conclusions, the way he acts like liking him isn't enough, like they could ever ask for anything more from each other. dick doesn't fit the modeled mold of a boyfriend, no. if mako had taken that approach, told him to his face that he wasn't good enough and he didn't want him, it'd be another thing - a simpler thing, that dick would accept and even agree with, but. it seems more like mako ... wants to say yes, take a step in and bump tongues with him, but is just refusing on a strict point that officer mako doesn't deserve to be selfish with himself. this is a body dedicated to the betterment of republic city. this is someone who would never take a day off in his life, if it meant assuring peace in the city.
it kind of makes sense that the avatar has a shine on him.
and it becomes less about dick getting his dick wet and more about assuring mako has ... some semblance of self enjoyment. taking something he wants because it's being offered up on golden plate, without bribery, without bargains, without silvery tongues or sweet language. dick would have his heart broken in an instant, if he meant he could share a few good memories with him, first. )
It's not about having something that's easy. I don't want easy.
( his wrist is claimed. he twists it a few times so mako lessens his grip, only so he can turn his palm around and interlace their fingers. maybe it's a little bittersweet. he wishes he could kiss him. )
I want you. That's it. ( his expression is impossibly soft - steady again, not working with the motion that becomes him. he wants this to last. ) I'll tell you what you want to hear. Blue Spirit is ka-putz after this.
( it's not a willing retirement. he doesn't want to stop helping people, ever. but he has to get in shape as the heir of bruce's industries, learn the business inside and out, be the first born an almost father could be proud of. that's not even to mention that he very nearly could've ruined everything for them tonight, in the closest call he's ever been a part of - it can't happen again. maybe before his civic duty to the people, he has a duty to his family, to fall in line and fit the role he was meant to. was he meant to? he never wanted riches and luxuries and nice things. he never even wanted to become a master martial artist. all he ever wanted was to travel in a caravan circus with his parents and make people smile.
all he wants now is to see mako smile. he'll hang up the blue spirit's scarf happily, he'll fit himself into stuffy suits and act the part of a smart business man while dreaming of the wild outside, living in the air like monks. all he wants is a smile, if he can't have a kiss. )
( the absolute sincerity in dick's voice makes him flinch. since he's known him, the blue spirit has been intrinsically entwined with dick's identity. it's a little like hearing korra would give up being the avatar, and no one has ever wanted him that much. maybe it's the fact that dick almost died. maybe he's spooked. feeling the weight of his own mortality crushing down on him. he's unnaturally still, even now. his presence in mako's mind is always an elegant flit.
it's an acceptance of chains. letting himself be pinioned by this ugly future he is looking towards when he promises that. and even though it was what mako had asked, all those long weeks ago, he finds the thought galls him now. he knows it's important to dick, equally or maybe even more than policework is to him. laws exist for a reason. mako has to uphold them, or. it's like everyone who ever said he wouldn't amount to anything was right.
no one expected him to go straight. zolt saw an heir in him, once, when he was a lot younger but not really any less wise than he is now. mako knew he needed a teacher, he always took care to ensure that was where his reliance on zolt ended. but he knew that if he made it seem like he was amenable to the grooming, that sometimes he and bo would get a hot meal, or a place to sleep, and that was what mattered.
nobody cared when he went pro-bender, because they assumed he'd take a dive for them if he had to, he was still one of them. corruption in the sporting industry goes hand in hand with the triads.
but. the night he passed the entrance exam, viper sent a few of the younger members of the triple threats to his apartment. and they were young. ten, thirteen, it didn't even matter. kids who ran books or crunched numbers or ferried message across the city. they were there to congratulate him, ostensibly. but it was more than that. a message. remember where you came from.
a threat. a promise. and the second he ever dares put his nose out of line, he knows that someone, whether it's zolt or viper or... even any of the people on the force who dislike that a firebender is standing where metalbenders ought... that someone is going to start a whisper that'll turn into a roaring tide. once a thug, always a thug, right?
it's just. all so jumbled up inside him, awful and tangled and. then there's dick, who almost died. saying he'll give up something that matters to him because mako is guarding his reputation.
he can't help himself. he surges into dick's space like a flame licking oxygen from every corner of a collapsing building. kisses him. touching anywhere he can reach, his hip, his sides, pads of his fingers pressed up against all those livid bruises snarling beneath his skin. dick almost died. and he's the one making promises. it isn't fair. )
( he has two opposing thoughts, one right after the other.
the first is that he should stay still, make an effort to be airy and light and not too forceful, because this might be the last time mako ever kisses him, ever wants to, and he should savor the flavor on his tongue, taste the smoke and burn of his kisses and commit it to memory. but, his shoulder devil echoes, it might be the last time. the last time. shouldn't dick try to take what he can get, while it's being offered? before their mouths part and mako fits back into his bad cop role, distinguishing the rights and the wrongs of kissing a masked criminal.
he kisses back, then. more impassioned than ever before, not airy the way it's been in the past, more akin to mako's home element than anything else. hands frame his cheeks, cupping him, drawing him in. his tongue darts out and licks across the thin line of mako's lip, saying some open sesame spell to dive inside the hidden turn of his mouth, map out the area on the plush point of his tongue. he tastes the defiance on mako's teeth, and the demand of his own, sinking down on mako's lower lip, a little fiercely.
it's easy, then - classic airbender technique. evade and defend. his leg slides easily between mako's, hooking back around his calf, using the hold to spin and pin him against the wall with a resounding thunk. dick doesn't put enough space in between them to ever break their kiss. needing to break away for air is more of an issue for mako than it is for him.)
( dick knocks the breath from his lungs but he doesn't mind the burn, he just. takes it. one hand knotted up in dick's hair, the other (his left) at his hip. the kiss is. well, it's unusual. he's never kissed anyone close to being as tall as him, and they're both rough and unshaven, and while other people taking the lead on him is pretty much his normal, it's different somehow when a man does it. he feels like he should, like he needs to kick back more.
but dick is still fragile, still healing, and even though mako wants to shove him, push him back to the bed, make him rest he just doesn't have it in him. his grip stays loose and easy and gentle, and he doesn't do much more than make a mild noise of protest when dick bites him. )
( it's in dick's nature to not know his limits. as far as he's concerned, they don't exist - the second he starts doubting his capabilities is the second he stops improving, stops becoming better than what society would dictate him as. although, society thinks he's a nonbender, so. there's a little give and take there. the point is that all his muscles ache and hiss and burn, even after the avatar's healing, and with their mouths parted and kisses no longer serving as a distraction, he groans in pain, resting his forehead down on mako's shoulder. )
Damnit.
( he'd be better at this is he were healthy, or in a better space of mind. he's kissed girls before - barbie and kori, girls he loved and he lost individually - and there was that one time he experimented with wally, because boys will be boys will be boys. but. obviously, things are different, with mako. he's pretty sure he'll be embarrassed by this abysmal display later, but for now he just wraps his arms around mako, making himself a little small but just as strong, hugging him fiercely. )
( he has no idea what brought that about, but mako makes space for the hug, arms lifted sort of awkwardly out of the way. he drops one hand down against dick's hair and lets the other cradle his shoulders. )
Come on, let's get you back to bed.
( dick isn't meant or made to be still. energy is explosive in him, an agitation in the air. but he nearly died, and that's as sure a sign as any to take things slow and careful and easy. mako sort of... ushers him towards it. )
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more than anything, that resonates with him. he kind of zones out the rest to be perfectly honest, focusing on that with a laser point accuracy that would make an sharpshooter fear for their lives. he only ever wanted to help. no, he didn't want to help the police, because at the end of all things, he doesn't trust the system it was built upon. perhaps in its infancy it worked, but when people learn methods, they learn loopholes, and the concept of the police has been exploited on, now. from inside as much as the outside. he doesn't want to make mako's job harder, but he can't just sit by and do nothing. he won't.
he responds too late when mako says he should go, lost in his own thoughts. when he realizes something's been said, he snaps back, smiling apologetically. ) Huh? Oh, yeah. ( he doesn't want mako to go. his expression is bleeding, clipped at the arteries. but. helping people is more important than whichever way his heart drifts. that has to be the reality. ) See you around.
( he says it, but he doesn't really mean it. the blue spirit falls out of newspapers and propaganda, essentially overnight.
it doesn't mean he stopped, though. he just stopped what he was doing. a solution to both stop evil doers, and to keep the police out of his plans, that's what he has to come up with. he can't rely on them to arrest criminals, because it makes mako's life hard, and it really only kicks the hornet's nest. that's what mako said, so dick. invests in a camera.
blackmail is the new name of the game. it's less strategic than cornering a half a dozen gang members, and most of the time results in dick getting his ass kicked to hell and back, but. it works, undeniably. he snaps pictures of the agni kai triade's leader engaging in what looks like a romantic encounter with one of the red monsoon's wives. he goes right back to agni kai triade, says if you don't want these pictures to get out, leave such and such neighborhood alone, and ... that's it. he makes it a small enough request that it doesn't cut back on their income too much. he doesn't request money, or drugs, or weapons. just leave these people alone, and the cops won't know anything.
then he starts asking for more.
the neighborhood gets gradually bigger, a larger portion protected. it gets somewhat sizable, before it all blows up in dick's face.
he's patrolling his usual spots. he knows mako's routine by heart and purposefully avoids it - not because he would be against seeing him, but because. it's hard. to think he isn't making his life harder, just by existing. hugging the shadows is smarter, remaining aloof and out of the headlines. they all believe the blue spirit has abandoned them, and they're ... better for it, dick thinks. mako's convinced him of that. a silent protector is better than one in the limelight. he's about to head to next position, but he doesn't realize he's being watched, tailed, cornered until it's too late.
bones break. he's never seen so much of his blood outside of his body before. multiple agni kai triade's take him out, not without a fight, but he's all too easy to overpower with the strength of numbers. they make their message known. leave the boss alone, or else. they leave his scarf on - his face is too bloody and swollen to recognize, anyway.
he comes to about half an hour later, rotting away with the garbage in an alleyway. it's almost midnight. he knows where he is. he knows mako will be here in another ten minutes, as long as he didn't take a cigarette break at the corner intersection ( he doesn't stalk him ). dick drags himself into the middle of the road, a streak of red following behind him, and waits to be discovered. )
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he stops. if it's a message, mako has no idea what to make of it. he knows he must have hurt him (idiot, why did he say those things? why does he always say those things?) and he just. feels miserable. enough that bolin comments on it, and they get snappish with each other, and what started out as a brotherly spat comes dangerously close to a brotherly feud. bolin moves out — he'd been planning on it anyway, but it. accelerates his plans a little. and mako just keeps feeling horrible.
he knows everything he needs to to march right up to wayne manor, knock on the door and ask for dick, but he doesn't.
the streets get a little calmer. it doesn't feel right, or natural, and it's got him on edge. the less crime there is in the hei bai district, the more antsy he gets, until he's practically ready to firebend at every shadow.
he smells the blood before he sees it. copper, thick and choking in the air. enough that when he breaks into a sprint and rounds the corner, he expects to find
a body, but it. isn't one, it's just. a scarf he recognizes, and a collapsed lump in the middle of the street.
mako had to learn control. he didn't always have it. and that control is the only reason he doesn't stay rooted where he stands in horror. it's the thing that spurs him onward, it's the reason he doesn't gag at the blood and the damage when he picks him up. dick's heavier than he looks, for an airbender.
he doesn't say a word. just. runs. mentally mapping out what he can of the city. waterbenders. he needs a waterbender. korra's the best in the city but she's at asami's place, on the other side of the spirit portal crater in the middle. what he needs is a car.
luckily, the economy is booming. there are vehicles everywhere. mako busts out a window with his shoulder, cradles dick one-handed so he can open the door and then eases him into it. he wants to call him an idiot. what he does instead is murmur. nothing much of consequence. it's okay, you're going to be fine. over and over and over again.
hotwiring a car? no biggie. he's been doing that since he was a kid. he's torn between the need to drive fast because dick is beaten to the spirit world and back, and slow because he doesn't want to jostle him. at least there's no one else on the road, and any time he does encounter another vehicle mako signs a flame signal for the PD in the air and they back off. he doesn't exactly have lights and sirens, but it's an improvisation that works.
korra and asami are asleep upstairs, though not for long. and then it's just. everything is a blur.
the largest body of water in the house is asami's pool. dick slips in and out of consciousness, mako holds him (more like, korra can't pry him away) as she heals him. once she's done all she can, she tells him that all he can do now is rest. so mako carries him upstairs to one of asami's spare rooms, strips him out of the wet (née blooded) clothes and gets him into something else. then he just. sinks into a chair at the head of the bed, hand outflung against dick's wrist so he can track the flow of chi beneath his skin.
he realizes he didn't clock out at the end of his shift about the same time he passes out. beifong's gonna have his hide stapled to a desk for this one. )
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tim has healed him on occasion, small and secretive things under bed covers and when bruce can't see them, taking pity on heavier wounds from sparring. he isn't anti bending per say, bruce just doesn't like the idea of natural combatants to every bending, that whoever you are, you have a weakness everyone knows the second you shoot fire out of your hands. anyway. dick can recognize a water healer's touch easily enough, and he has the vague memories of it pouring back into the deep corners of his mind - the avatar healing him, asami soto at the front door, mako carrying him, and.
he shares glances with his unconscious form at his bedside, uncomfortably caved in on himself, sleeping sitting up. he was worried, dick can remember that much. he didn't hesitate to pick him up, although dick would never have imagined he'd just walk by - forgetting their own strange, short history ( history? ), mako just isn't the kind of person to leave someone on their deathbed. a part of him is disappointed, entirely in himself, because he hates imposing on mako like this. if there was another way, he would've been sure to take it. instead he's. making mako's life harder, again. giving another reason to crease the lines of his frown. more weight on his shoulders.
dick is considerate not to move, noting where they touch, and that any sudden move would wake mako which - isn't an option. the guy barely looks like he sleeps at all, dick can afford him a few hours of peace and quiet, gathering some shut eye. eventually he moves himself carefully, light as air, to slide his had out from mako's grasp. the blanket dick had been snuggled in gets lovingly draped around his shoulders, although it's more for comfort than warmth. firebenders really aren't lacking in that department.
if he wanted mako to sleep even more, he probably shouldn't have moved. but. he isn't someone who can just sit in bed and watch the guy he likes sleep. isn't possible. mako wakes up a little bit later, without the feeling of dick's chi to sing him lullabies, and dick is just poised in the window, sitting airily on the frame. )
Sorry. ( he blurts out, first and foremost, once he sees mako awake. embarrassed, he rubs the back of his neck. ) I didn't mean to put all this on you. But I really, really appreciate your help. Thanks, Meeks.
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he's completely disoriented when he wakes, dick's gone from beneath his hand, the sun has crept in across the floor, warming him with the whisper of its heat. there's. a blanket? tucked around him, and mako reels back from it as if it were the corpse of some creature rather than something meant as a comfort.
he's half out of the chair, awash in panic when dick speaks. and then he. settles. for a second. it doesn't last, and he's up and out of it a moment later. he wheels on dick, an accusatory finger leveled at him. )
You idiot. Do you have any idea how close you were to dying? If I hadn't found you when I did, I would have been carrying you to the city morgue!
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his eyes are wide before they dim, bright before they darken. he leans off the windowsill and into mako's space.
this man is still dick grayson, but he's minorly different from the snack hungry kiss drunk boy in the warehouse a few months ago. he looks tired, more than anything. he reaches a hand up to wrap around mako's pointing finger, looking down where they meet. )
I know.
( he doesn't care if mako plans on shoving him off - he just wraps an arm around his shoulders, a hand at the back of his head, embracing him. )
I didn't mean to worry you. I'm — so sorry. They caught me off guard, and I didn't know what else to do but. Wait. For you.
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and mako's just. he's worried. and upset, and angry — more at himself than dick, if he's being completely honest — and he can't help but curl into him like a kid on a cold night towards the only source of warmth. it's an enveloping embrace, he melts himself over dick like he can fill everywhere against his body there's an absence of air. )
It's not about worrying me.
( because of course dick says it like it's the most important thing. of course he does. )
It's about the fact that you got hurt.
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he missed him. and he only realizes it now, after weeks and weeks of exhausting himself, of trying to convince himself their brief fling meant as little as mako lead him to believe. but it just. it didn't. dick likes him even more now than he did before, and he messed up, and he literally, literally could've died if mako hadn't been there, if he didn't know the avatar, if a million other things that all lead up to the same thisness of the moment didn't happen. it hits him like a satomobile, knocking the wind out of him. he almost died. died. )
I. ( a little choked out against him. his shoulders quake, but he doesn't cry. ) I was scared. I thought I was going to die. Damn.
( a semi hysterical, mostly breathy laugh. )
Bruce would've killed me if I died. Crap. I have to go home. He's gonna be so mad at me.
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his brow furrows, he takes a breath that feels like inhaling glass. )
I can talk to him. Tell him you were assisting in an investigation or something.
( he has no idea what bruce is like behind closed doors, and he'd be naive to think that his public persona is his private one. varrick is both at once, but there can't be two varricks out there. every famous person in republic city has the side they show the press and the side they show their friends and family. the fact that he specifies mad at me makes him. not like the concept behind the glitz very much, though. )
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No, you — you’ve already done more than enough, seriously. ( more work for mako? no, thanks. ) I’ll get it sorted. I always do.
( truthfully, bruce won’t be mad, at least not beyond dick disobeying instruction, since he won’t be hearing about the rest of it. dick just has memories of breaking chandeliers and priceless family heirlooms, when he was a child and wanted to climb on everything in sight. he once busted the bannister in the main hall by jumping on it. bruce was not ... thrilled.
anyway, he doesn’t know what to say to mako now that apologies are out of the way. he shuffles his feet awkwardly, eyes cast down. )
It’s, uh. It’s good to see you, though. Been awhile.
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he just doesn't know what to do with dick now that he has him there. there are a million things he wants to say, a million more he wants to do. instead he says and does absolutely nothing, and there's an awkward, wayward silence that scuttles between them like a spirit, devoid of sound and substance.
mako clears his throat and loosens his grip. enough to let him go, though it takes him a reluctant moment to step back. )
Well, I figured you wouldn't want to see me after. Everything.
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that, though. his expression twitches, cracked open. )
What? No. ( he shakes his head. it's not ... a poor assumption to make, though, considering dick basically did everything in his power to avoid interacting with him. it's less heartbreak and more - worry. ) Of course I wanted to see you again.
( he doesn't exactly go around just laying big fat kisses on everyone. tentatively, he takes a step in, a bit too close to be entirely platonic, or even just casual. his gaze is drooped, watching mako's chin - or maybe his lips. )
I just didn't want to ... make it harder on you. Your job, and ... well, me.
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That's not up to you.
( he wants to be angry about it, instead he's just. soft. but dick doesn't get to dictate what mako is or isn't willing to stand. )
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not backing down. another step forward, chests together. a hand finds the pocketed curve of mako's waist, the other reaching up to cup his cheek. )
You said I was bribing you. ( it's a soft spot. touching him was never about bribery. ) You said I was asking too much. I thought ... you wanted me to leave you alone.
( he was just complicating things. making mako choose between his job and dick - constantly reaffirming the fact that he should arrest him, that he wants to, that he didn't for ... some reason. dick never thought to ask. now he's looking at mako earnestly, wanting to hear it.
he said he liked mako two or three times, but mako. he never said it back. he's not even sure if this much is okay, softly touching him, inching in closer until the tips of their lips just briefly brush, before dick rears back to see the harm he's done. )
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I meant.
( about the bribery. he doesn't know how to articulate it. but he knows he needs to seize on it, because if he gives into the urge to kiss dick again, they aren't going to leave this room for an age. he meant... )
If you were... I don't know, doing surveillance on a cop, and he was running off to meet with someone that, as far as you know, he should be arresting, and kissing him — would you still think that cop was a straight shooter?
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( how can one guy have his mind in completely the wrong place, at any and all times. well. maybe that's not fair to say - what he is thinking about is reasonable, responsible, and all dick can manage to think about is how surprisingly soft mako's lips are, how satiated his expression got, just for a second, after he kissed dick the first time. he can understand what mako's getting at on a skin deep level, knowing what they'd look like to an outside viewer, a cop and a criminal. he gets that mako liking him, maybe, is a soured feeling, if only because or how someone else would see them. he's a hundred percent sure that is mako couldn't see the good in dick and what he does, he wouldn't have wasted his time on him in the first place.
his fingers just curl around the back of mako's neck. it's a race now, to see if mako's stubbornness or dick's charm will win out. )
Difficult to say. ( he knows the right answer, the one that keeps them in this conversation loop for the next foreseeable while. instead, ) What did the kiss look like?
( c'mon mako. stop thinking for a minute and kiss your vigilante secret-not-so-secret admirer )
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he'd really rather be anywhere but here. it's the place more than the company. and them being what they are to each other, it's. weird. hard. awkward. mako reaches up and catches at dick, pulls his hand away from his neck until he's holding it between them. the only problem is he forgets to let go. he just. stands there, fingers a circlet around dick's wrist. )
I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer.
( it doesn't occur to him that he's being flirted with. he just does the obvious thing. )
Dick, I do like you. And maybe if I was anyone else, that would be enough.
( he's doing it again. backsliding. putting himself — by choice — into that same bleak place that beifong has been in for decades. he doesn't want to. it's just. he doesn't really have a choice, does he? duty is the same thing that pushed he and korra apart, at the end of the day. his work as a cop, hers as the avatar. he's still surprised, gratified, grateful their friendship survived it intact. but he barely knows dick, the foundation of whatever it is they've shared is a tenuous thing on porous ground.
mako swallows once, his gaze is fixed on the contrast in their skintones, how stark it seems in the low light. )
There are other guys. People, whatever you're into. It'd be easier.
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it kind of makes sense that the avatar has a shine on him.
and it becomes less about dick getting his dick wet and more about assuring mako has ... some semblance of self enjoyment. taking something he wants because it's being offered up on golden plate, without bribery, without bargains, without silvery tongues or sweet language. dick would have his heart broken in an instant, if he meant he could share a few good memories with him, first. )
It's not about having something that's easy. I don't want easy.
( his wrist is claimed. he twists it a few times so mako lessens his grip, only so he can turn his palm around and interlace their fingers. maybe it's a little bittersweet. he wishes he could kiss him. )
I want you. That's it. ( his expression is impossibly soft - steady again, not working with the motion that becomes him. he wants this to last. ) I'll tell you what you want to hear. Blue Spirit is ka-putz after this.
( it's not a willing retirement. he doesn't want to stop helping people, ever. but he has to get in shape as the heir of bruce's industries, learn the business inside and out, be the first born an almost father could be proud of. that's not even to mention that he very nearly could've ruined everything for them tonight, in the closest call he's ever been a part of - it can't happen again. maybe before his civic duty to the people, he has a duty to his family, to fall in line and fit the role he was meant to. was he meant to? he never wanted riches and luxuries and nice things. he never even wanted to become a master martial artist. all he ever wanted was to travel in a caravan circus with his parents and make people smile.
all he wants now is to see mako smile. he'll hang up the blue spirit's scarf happily, he'll fit himself into stuffy suits and act the part of a smart business man while dreaming of the wild outside, living in the air like monks. all he wants is a smile, if he can't have a kiss. )
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it's an acceptance of chains. letting himself be pinioned by this ugly future he is looking towards when he promises that. and even though it was what mako had asked, all those long weeks ago, he finds the thought galls him now. he knows it's important to dick, equally or maybe even more than policework is to him. laws exist for a reason. mako has to uphold them, or. it's like everyone who ever said he wouldn't amount to anything was right.
no one expected him to go straight. zolt saw an heir in him, once, when he was a lot younger but not really any less wise than he is now. mako knew he needed a teacher, he always took care to ensure that was where his reliance on zolt ended. but he knew that if he made it seem like he was amenable to the grooming, that sometimes he and bo would get a hot meal, or a place to sleep, and that was what mattered.
nobody cared when he went pro-bender, because they assumed he'd take a dive for them if he had to, he was still one of them. corruption in the sporting industry goes hand in hand with the triads.
but. the night he passed the entrance exam, viper sent a few of the younger members of the triple threats to his apartment. and they were young. ten, thirteen, it didn't even matter. kids who ran books or crunched numbers or ferried message across the city. they were there to congratulate him, ostensibly. but it was more than that. a message. remember where you came from.
a threat. a promise. and the second he ever dares put his nose out of line, he knows that someone, whether it's zolt or viper or... even any of the people on the force who dislike that a firebender is standing where metalbenders ought... that someone is going to start a whisper that'll turn into a roaring tide. once a thug, always a thug, right?
it's just. all so jumbled up inside him, awful and tangled and. then there's dick, who almost died. saying he'll give up something that matters to him because mako is guarding his reputation.
he can't help himself. he surges into dick's space like a flame licking oxygen from every corner of a collapsing building. kisses him. touching anywhere he can reach, his hip, his sides, pads of his fingers pressed up against all those livid bruises snarling beneath his skin. dick almost died. and he's the one making promises. it isn't fair. )
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the first is that he should stay still, make an effort to be airy and light and not too forceful, because this might be the last time mako ever kisses him, ever wants to, and he should savor the flavor on his tongue, taste the smoke and burn of his kisses and commit it to memory. but, his shoulder devil echoes, it might be the last time. the last time. shouldn't dick try to take what he can get, while it's being offered? before their mouths part and mako fits back into his bad cop role, distinguishing the rights and the wrongs of kissing a masked criminal.
he kisses back, then. more impassioned than ever before, not airy the way it's been in the past, more akin to mako's home element than anything else. hands frame his cheeks, cupping him, drawing him in. his tongue darts out and licks across the thin line of mako's lip, saying some open sesame spell to dive inside the hidden turn of his mouth, map out the area on the plush point of his tongue. he tastes the defiance on mako's teeth, and the demand of his own, sinking down on mako's lower lip, a little fiercely.
it's easy, then - classic airbender technique. evade and defend. his leg slides easily between mako's, hooking back around his calf, using the hold to spin and pin him against the wall with a resounding thunk. dick doesn't put enough space in between them to ever break their kiss. needing to break away for air is more of an issue for mako than it is for him.)
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but dick is still fragile, still healing, and even though mako wants to shove him, push him back to the bed, make him rest he just doesn't have it in him. his grip stays loose and easy and gentle, and he doesn't do much more than make a mild noise of protest when dick bites him. )
Hey. Easy.
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Damnit.
( he'd be better at this is he were healthy, or in a better space of mind. he's kissed girls before - barbie and kori, girls he loved and he lost individually - and there was that one time he experimented with wally, because boys will be boys will be boys. but. obviously, things are different, with mako. he's pretty sure he'll be embarrassed by this abysmal display later, but for now he just wraps his arms around mako, making himself a little small but just as strong, hugging him fiercely. )
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Come on, let's get you back to bed.
( dick isn't meant or made to be still. energy is explosive in him, an agitation in the air. but he nearly died, and that's as sure a sign as any to take things slow and careful and easy. mako sort of... ushers him towards it. )
I'll get some food.