( unlike their last fight, korra doesn't immediately go on the offensive. she isn't really on the defensive, either, she's just. taking the pummeling. mako's words, fists in her gut, hitting all the chi points they want to. breaking her down. three years. zaheer poisoned her, suffocated her, nearly killed her, and yet the people who suffered were mako, bolin, her parents, tenzin. that's one thing she can't excuse with zaheer, though. it's her fault. she hurt them, and mako, because like in all the most life changing parts to her story, her worst crime has always been her selfishness.

it's not about the kiss, or asami, or anything else. it's because mako never fully forgave her for leaving and not writing. she can understand that - more ills she's done against him, more scars that refuse to close.

spirits, she should've just written. )

I know.

( quietly, darkly. as much as she can hear his headache, he can probably see her hang hanging, ashamed. )

I do trust you, Mako. And ... I know I haven't been good at showing. How I feel about you. I've been ... ( a sharp inhale. ) Selfish. Running away was childish. I know that now.

( at the time, though. it wasn't really running away. at the time, it felt like it could've been forever. they all wrote her. and, from her position, weren't their lives so much better without the avatar? not on a worldly level, but personal. she should've made team avatar out of people she cared for less. )

I'm sorry I didn't write you. I still thought about you everyday. I hoped you were okay. ( while she was getting her ass kicked by a mirage of herself. she should've just written. it's easy to say it now, but at the time, it felt like there was nothing more impossible, than writing mako, pretending like everything was fine. ) I'm sorry, Mako. You mean everything to me. I just. ( no excuses. she shakes her head. ) I'm just sorry.